Lately I’ve been blog-crushing pretty hard on Modite. I don’t mean to be so all about it but I can’t help it that Rebecca’s posts inspire me. Her words Career women should try harder – especially in the Midwest inspired this post, particularly when she pled:

There are some enthralling stories about the beautiful complexity that is marriage and motherhood. But these stories just don’t exist about being a woman in the workplace. We need to start telling those. Now.

This is my contribution to this discussion: WOMEN OF EARLY GENY: WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE. TIME TO START ACTING LIKE GROWN UPS!

I used to gossip in the workplace. A lot. I liked knowing what was going on, who was mad at who, who was making out with whom in the stairwell during breaks, etc. There is a sense of power in knowing things like that. One day I decided it wasn’t in my best interest to gossip. I realized that I was tired of worrying who would find out I perpetuated a rumor about them and that it didn’t make me feel like a good person on the inside. I didn’t realize how much more powerful I felt for not gossiping until pretty recently when a co-worker with whom I used to gossip with approached me and I didn’t respond with more gossip to add to the conversation. When this happened, the lady who sits behind me poked her head over my cube and said “You know, I really respect you for not gossiping with her. I don’t think people realize how much people hear in cubes and you’ve really matured in that way. Good for you.”

This brings me to my current situation. Since I stopped gossiping and positioned myself as a neutral person people can vent to and trust their venting won’t leave my lips, I have a lot more respect for myself and from other people. It’s amazing how much more people will include someone who is not an office gossip in a whole range of things. I’ve been invited to more social activities outside of work with my coworkers and I’ve noticed people treating me as much more of a leader now that I’m not participating in school-girl behaviors like gossiping.

I think one of the things GenY women struggle with is the transition into the workplace social scene. We make the mistake of treating our workplace social setting just like the ones we’ve known all of our life in high school and college. In school, it’s all about social status. In the workplace it’s all about perception.

There’s a concept in psychology called self fulfilling prophecy which is basically the idea that whatever you believe will cause you to either consciously or subconsciously act in ways that will ultimately cause what you believe to come true.  One example of this is the young woman who fancies herself an up-and-coming leader but believes all women are stuck in hopeless, shitty positions because “it’s a man’s world”. She thinks nothing beyond this other than to bash men and blame them for her stagnant career not realizing that all the time she spends gossiping at work because she’s bored and wants interaction is working against her; being a gossip damages her credibility as a leader because no one can trust her.  She should be at her desk working not standing around yapping! She does not get promoted because she is not seen as a trustworthy, hard worker. The result is her stagnant career. 

What I’m about to say is a hardcore feminist statement. The only way Millennial women are going to be taken seriously and shape the workforce is to infiltrate it and change it from within. This means if we continue to gossip and participate in childish behavior, no one is going to take us seriously. If we want to be seen as serious leaders, THE GOSSIPING HAS TO STOP.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! OWN YOUR WORDS, OWN YOUR ACTIONS, OWN YOUR FUTURE.

You’ll feel better about yourself on the inside once you stop gossiping, too. Trust me; confidence & believing in yourself looks good on ALL women. If you keep your beliefs in check and realize that what you believe has an impact on the outcome of everything you do, your life will turn around.

Over and out!

Desiree Kane

[/tough love]